Angry at God
by Rochelle Griffin
You are looking at a post I put on Facebook this am. I’m a believer in being transparent. You won’t find me pretending to be perfect. Instead you’ll find me being entirely human, including the ugly faults that I possess. And lately I’ve been flat out angry at God.
The past few weeks I’ve felt incredibly cheated, as though God answered a prayer and then said “My bad,” taking the answer away.
You see, we live rural. Well when you homeschool your only child and live rural, there is a degree of mommy guilt that hits you. While he gets many opportunities to socialize, it’s not the same as living in a neighborhood like what I grew up in. I remember loads of kids and we’d be riding our bikes every day around the subdivision.
Here we are limited in neighbors, although we’ve had 2 on either side of us. Until a month ago, one of the houses had a boy my son’s age and they were fast friends for over a year. When we found out he was moving, I prayed for God to provide kids in either house.
Honestly to goodness, the prayer was answered in less than 3 hours! My husband came in and said “There’s a family moving in next door with 5 kids, including 3 boys!” I was astounded and amazed at God’s provision. This family was great & friendly. We hit it off right away.
Well 2 weeks ago, we found out this family had to move due to family issues. The exact same day, we got a new set of renting neighbors in the other house. Unfortunately we quickly found out that these are not the most hospitable people. In fact, they’re downright mean and we are suspect involved in some unlawful activity.
So literally in ONE day, we went from the answered prayer of kids next door for our son to NO kids and unfriendly (I’m being kind) neighbors.
WHAT?!?!? God, WHY?!??!
and I took this very hard and quite frankly, personal. I was angry.
So I went into “fix it” mode, talking non-stop with my husband about what we should do…should we move…should we try to force them to move…without us coming up with a plausible answer. Neither choice was a feasible immediate option. I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world. I felt like I was suffocating. I felt like I was imploding. I felt like my son would be scarred for life.
Granted I so busy trying to control everything that I totally forgot to take it up with God. Actually I’m really not sure that I forgot…I think I was just too angry in the moment to talk to Him.
Until last night…
At church last night, I didn’t even feel like being there. Honestly I only went because my son wanted to go to his youth group service. But once the music started, I could feel myself holding back tears. I didn’t want to carry this burden by myself any longer. It was bigger than me, and I was being crushed.
So I yelled! I told God exactly what I thought. I poured out my frustration and I felt my connection with Him return.
As I said in my post, the situation hasn’t changed yet, but I have faith that God has this under control. He knows what He’s doing.
Whatever situation you are dealing with, know that He has yours under control as well. Talk to him. Tell him how you’re feeling. You don’t need eloquent words. God’s ok if you yell at Him. He’s ok if you pour out all of your frustrations and say some unkind stuff.
Then we need to trust that He knows what He’s doing and that all things will work out for good.
Amen.A Toast to Your Health,
She founded both GoFitCoach, Inc. & Your Best Life, Inc. with her husband Keith after stepping onto the edge of financial & physical ruin. Having experienced a complete turn-around, they now desire to give hope & support to those who are dissatisfied with their current situation.
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