So...I want to talk about a subject that I’ve not been able to find much info on...believe it or not...even after searching and searching on the web.

My husband has been home from deployment for 3 weeks. We’ve been together 20 years, so I knew we had a solid relationship. I wasn’t concerned about him coming home...not a single bit.

Seems as though, however, my world has been slightly rocked...

...and I didn’t expect that.

There is AMPLE information on the web about what to expect from our men & women when they return from deployment...information about signs of post-traumatic stress disorder, how to be patient as they acclimate back into society, what to expect after returning from war.

I want to say that I’m PLEASED that there is so much info about these different things...but...WHERE is the info about how “I” might react, about how “I” may feel as the spouse?!?!?!?

Turns out getting used to my hubby being home is a bit more difficult than I anticipated...not because HE is different, but because I AM.

I’ve changed over the past year. I’ve always been independent, but I’m now INDEPENDENT. I don’t want to give it up...I don’t want to give up my traveling. Don’t get me wrong...he’s not asking me to. I’m just having this internal struggle that I must work through.

Lack of schedule (and I’m a schedule-girl) hasn’t helped.

We agreed this weekend that I will continue my daily schedule as I had while he was gone. He will then work on getting his own schedule and integrating it into mine. I find it so odd that we are even having to think this way...we never have before. However, we’ve never been in this situation before...post-deployment.

It’s hard.

Who knew.

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Then, Jacob grabs my arm, says “Take your shoes off...the carpet is still wet,” and leads me into his bathroom to this:

If you look really close, you can see the water line. I haven’t measured it, but it looks like 3 or 4 inches high!!!! :O

Keith then shows me this...an empty bottle of whiskey...the Gentleman’s whiskey that I bought for him on the cruise last month as a surprise when he came home...the whiskey that was 3/4 FULL when I left 3 days ago!

Finally Jacob shows me his coconut. I have NO clue why my child has a coconut. None. Perhaps they were imagining being in the tropics yesterday while enduring subarctic temperatures?

I promised both that I won’t leave them alone for a few months. It feels good to be needed.

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I had an entirely different plan for my post today, BUT I just can’t pass this up. I’m cracking up and CAN’T share this on Facebook right now...which is DRIVING ME NUTS! I mean...come ON...I share my entire life on Facebook...but for this very moment, I must keep a secret.

It’s Saturday. I’m currently sitting in the Phoenix airport, double fisting a cup of coffee and a Shakeology. I just arrived to surprise my BFF at something special tomorrow evening. Because I know that she lives in Facebook too, I have to be elusive. Hence my dilemma and changing of today’s post...

As you may know, my hubby just returned from his deployment one week ago today. We’ve spent the past week really without a routine. We had actually planned it that way...just get used to being around each other again...BUT because I’m a schedule-kind-of girl, it’s been a challenge.

Anyways, so I’ve officially been away from home for 5 hrs now.

I just called Keith to let him know that I’ve arrived safely.

His first words to me were “Wow...being home is HARD! How do you do this?”

I said...”Huh? What’s up? It’s Saturday.”

Well, in the 5 hours of my absence, he has accomplished the following things:
1. He missed giving our son his morning medication.
2. He almost caused a fire when he forgot about the lizard heat lamp that he put on the plastic table.
3. He got us “dinged” on our internet...basically slowing us down even worse than dial-up. (You GO, babe! I’m not there and don’t need it. :P)

Yes, gotta admit...I felt a twinge of vindication that he realized it was HARD to hold down the fort while he was gone for a year.

Oh...and...
4. He spent an hour looking for his sunglasses because he wanted to go outside and didn’t want the blowing sand to get in his eyes. Then he realized that we don’t have sandstorms in Florida. (Yea, I totally giggled on this one.)

I told him that I was going to go find Wifi and catch up on some coaching. He replied...”Ok, good...you’ll have Wifi, so I can email you or Skype you if I need you.”

To which I replied...”Ummmmm...DUDE...you can CALL me!!!!!”

I then asked to speak to our son and kindly asked him to take care of Daddy these next couple of days.

****Monday morning addendum: My hubby just woke me up...5am here, 8am there. I think he’s ready for me to come home. He informed me that he needs to get a carpet cleaner today.

Hmmmm...why, babe? I just had the carpet cleaned before you came home. To which he replies...No, it’s to get the water out of the carpet in the hall.

Turns out my son clogged the toilet last night. Yea, you moms out there are rolling your eyes and know what I’m gonna say next...the hallway is now SOAKED!!!!!

I don’t know...homelife vs the desert in Afghanistan...which one is more difficult to maneuver?

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I’ve had a rough time the past few weeks. First being sick as dog, then life in general.

Nerves are getting the best of me...unfortunately. My husband’s deployment is rapidly coming to an end, and for those who know me well know that change always throws me. Even good change.

I honestly didn’t expect to feel this way. I mean I should be sooooo excited he’s coming home. Don’t get me wrong...I AM! I’m thrilled. It just seems surreal because we’ve spent the past year without him. It has sucked. It has been hard. BUT we’ve done it...and have adjusted.

Now we will have to adjust again.

Thankfully when my hubby came home for his 2 week vacation, it felt as though he had never been gone. We didn’t have a transition period. Life was just normal.

Will it be that way this time? I hope, yes, but I also know that he’s spent the past year in a very different environment. I don’t know how his adjustment will be.

So...I say all of this to say...I’m struggling.

and what to I do when I’m struggling? Well, duh, I eat.

...which unfortunately has come at the most inconvenient time...after a cruise and after being sick.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

I need to get back on track. I know that I WILL get back on track. I know that I have a great support system to get through this.

I just want my hubby home so we can begin a “normal” life again without having to think about deployment.

Sigh.

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Christmas has always been my favorite time of year.

I’m trying really hard to be happy about it this year...but I’m struggling.

I would like to say that deployment irrevocably SUCKS.

We are in our last 3 months or so of it, but now time is literally passing at a snail’s pace. Everyone tends to say that they wish that they could have more than 24 hours in a day to do things....I swear that I DO...I think that somehow I’m in a weird time-space continuum and have 30 hours in a day.

Except I’m not being productive with those extra 6 hours. Instead I look at all of the X’s on the calendar and think “get home already.”

Deployment is such an emotional rollercoaster. Well-meaning people say well-meaning things, but if they haven’t experienced a deployment first-hand, there is no way that they can truly understand.

Yes, we’ll get through this...because we have no choice...but it’s not fun.

I think I’ll go watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas...seems appropriate.

Tags:Deployment

Being a military wife is hard. No ifs, ands, or buts.

My husband has had "boots to the ground" for 8 months now. What does this mean? It means that he's getting ready for bed as I'm waking up. It means that I can't just call or text him when I need support or think of something funny that I want to share. It means that I have to wonder what he's up to. It means that I live by the calendar that we get to X off each day. It means that my partner is half-way around the world from me.

The toughest pill to swallow so far? That life goes on...even when life is hard, it goes on...and I just have to suck it up.

Last week, I, unexpectedly, found myself feeling sorry for myself...pity party for 1 please...and the party lasted quite a number of days.

Here's the thing I want you to know about military spouses with deployed loved ones...

WE ARE STRONG

BUT

we have our moments...our moments where we are consumed with our own situation and need you to simply understand and support us...our moments where we need YOU to reach out to US. Don’t assume we will reach out...many military spouses have difficulty asking for help.

Yes, life DOES go on for each of us, but it's OK to ask us how we are doing. It's ok to call us to check in. Deployment is NOT the elephant in the middle of the room...we are willing to talk about it. You just have to be prepared for our answers...which may very well be based in emotion at the moment. Many of us have become single parents overnight with the added worry about our partners in a combat zone.

So, yes, WE are strong. The question is are YOU? Are YOU strong enough to support us? Just some food for thought.

Tags:Deployment